Author Topic: "Minipulation" A poem of mine I wrote awhile back  (Read 1852 times)

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Legacyblade

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"Minipulation" A poem of mine I wrote awhile back
« on: March 08, 2009, 06:30:26 PM »
As I was searching for an old RMXP script in my backups, I came across a poem I wrote. I was surprised, as it is a lot different than the horrible stuff I've done before. Still not what could be considered a good poem, but it's decent. Unlike every other poem I've written, this seems to be in free verse. I wrote this when feeling very emo, so forgive me, XD

Minipulation
Is it minipulation:
Subtle workings on the mind?
Or is, within, a tiny voiced command.

Was it on purpose?
Was it planned?
Or was it accidental,
result of desires within.

I never understand myself
the who, the how, the why
Do I even make the choice?
Or am I slave to the dark within?


What you guys think? (yes, it's very cheesy, i know. I'm just bored, and wanted to post this)

Forgotten_Bard

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Re: "Minipulation" A poem of mine I wrote awhile back
« Reply #1 on: March 08, 2009, 06:51:46 PM »
inner workings meet flesh and bone
Suffering within exact all we know
Teachings that are dark and without accusation
Lament to the wicked yet crumple in the tides of revilation

It is good... I cannot do free verse quiet like that,
AABB ABAB  or ABCC are my working tools.

It is very deep, deeper than you believe
trust me on this, i know, white it is I have seen
A letter, a word
...
A sentence, a paragraph
...
A page, a story
...
A book, a novel.
...
They all mean so little when you can't take time to put your soul into the work.

soranokira

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Re: "Minipulation" A poem of mine I wrote awhile back
« Reply #2 on: March 09, 2009, 01:18:49 PM »
I would only say, pretty good. Quite nice actually. definitely above average IMO.
The wind will cease to be one day, and as I pass, what marks remain?
Graduation is not the end, we'll still be friends from here on out

Legacyblade

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Re: "Minipulation" A poem of mine I wrote awhile back
« Reply #3 on: March 09, 2009, 02:16:13 PM »
@Forgotten_Bard,  oooh, I likes that poem you did. And I usually use the AABB rhyme scheme myself, though the rhymes always sound forced. This is the only free verse poem I've written, and apparently it's good. Trying to express my fears at what was going on inside my mind to taylor prompted this poem. And for the first and only time, prose failed to describe how I felt. So I just spat this out in a burst of emo-ness. Glad it was deep.

@sora, glad to hear that. like I said above, I spat this out in a burst of emo-ness, because I was afraid that I was subconsciously manipulating Taylor (which I later found out, yes I was)

I think I might post another of these emo free verse poems, if I can write it well.

abigailian

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Re: "Minipulation" A poem of mine I wrote awhile back
« Reply #4 on: March 09, 2009, 03:29:28 PM »
I vote very good. However, it should be spelled "Manipulation." ;) But that's really, honestly, very good.
This might hurt, it's not safe / But I know that I've gotta make a change / I don't care if I break,
At least I'll be feeling something


Forgotten_Bard

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Re: "Minipulation" A poem of mine I wrote awhile back
« Reply #5 on: March 09, 2009, 03:51:40 PM »
my poem is what I call duplication writing... i read something and I try to copy the feel of it...

It really helps get my mind working...
A letter, a word
...
A sentence, a paragraph
...
A page, a story
...
A book, a novel.
...
They all mean so little when you can't take time to put your soul into the work.