Author Topic: Orange colored scenery  (Read 2753 times)

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Efram

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Orange colored scenery
« on: November 02, 2012, 12:00:03 AM »
So I read one of works by Luv and thought: "HEY! Why not try to write somethin!? Might be fun"
I actually never wrote anything by why not give it a shot and see if it's fun. :3
 :Evapple: So here I bring you...this:



Orange colored scenery

I heard the sound of grass being stepped on. Familiar footsteps that had ringed before in this place. Before my eyes opened my lips were already forming words.

"Have you come to block my view again?" said I jokingly.

"Eh? Don't you mean enhancent it? Your eyes are closed anyways..."

I opened my eyes to contemplate that so enhanced view. Like usual there was the girl standing in front of me with the sunshine reflecting a beautiful color on her already colored like the sunset hair.

"Came to join me again, Emma?"

"If you had waited for me we could have just come together..." said the girl as she sat on the grass next to me -"Ne, what are we doing today? Other than being lazy?" she seemed to have a somewhat annoyed face.

"But being lazy is our number one talent!" said I trying to be my usual smartass.

"..."- I glanced at the unmoving figure next to me-"... You could be serious right now. I'm actually in the mood to do something with you, you know?"-her slightly disapointed expressing upset me more than I would have liked to.

"What I'd actually like to do might not interest you or even turn you off. Once said it can not be taken back either..." at that moment my face froze so my expression wouldn't give away once I had heard a reply.

"What's wrong with that!?"a sudden and unexpected reply-" I doubt there would be something you'd say that'd actually upset me that much and if I were to not care why would you be so upset? People are naturally different..."

Even though I was trying to keep my expression unmoving as if my life depended on it I couldn't believe what I just heard.

"Oi! Isn't that a little insensitive!?"

"I learned from the great master himself!"a grin was on her face as she looked directly at me -"Ah! It was just a joke don't look so upset..."her grin changed to an actually worried look.

Again I couldn't keep my coolness. Complete failure on my part.

"Well you aren't wrong... Guess you just mess with my honesty policy... You should just say what you believe and whoever likes it will be close and that's what matters."I turned my gaze in her direction and without missing a beat said - "It just worries me that I might scare you away..."

"You'd probably try to run away before that'd happen..."

Void of any hesitation those words were thrown my way. I couldn't say she was wrong, not because I just couldn't again bring myself to express my thoughts to her but because she was right.

"Then... I feel like dancing today"

The girls jaw dropped- "Eh? But I'd never expect you to like clubs!..." her gaze became avoidant all of a sudden - "Umm... I now feel bad cuz I gotta tell you that I actually don't want to do that..."

"I meant waltz or something!" my face was stuck between an annoyed face and an embarassed to death one.

"Eh?" her face was shining the cutest bright red- "But that's.... you know.......pair..."

I got up and climbed on my bicycle and without turning around I said- "Just get on if you are coming..." I waited for a few seconds without hearing even a sound, without a sigh I just started paddling.

"WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!" my shirt was pulled so strongly I nearly fell -"Don't just go on throwing surprises like that and expect me to process everything in a few seconds!" those words spoken with a voice almost giving away were loud enough for people around us to stop and stare.

Again a familiar sound was heard. It was the sound I had heard there many times before. The sound of a young woman sitting on the back of my bicycle. A goofy yet relieve smile sprouted on my face and so I started going forward into the orange painted scenery.
« Last Edit: November 19, 2012, 05:50:06 PM by Efram »

Wyndfal

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Re: Orange colored scenery
« Reply #1 on: November 02, 2012, 04:43:34 AM »
You know, Efram, even if you hadn't put your name on the story, I would have noticed it was yours.  :)

"Eh", "Ne" and "Oi"... These babies are your favorite anime-catchphrases!  XD

I have to say, there were a lot of complexes and twists stuffed into the dialogues, which means the characters know each other for a long time, and do not see eye to eye on many things. You managed to show it clearly without directly telling us, which is the art of modern story writing.

I also admire the characters' impulses. The cold face of the girl suddenly giving way to a grin, and then to an anxious look, and better yet the out-of-the-blue offer to a waltz... they are testaments to real-life characters. Well done  :plat:

I suppose, since you love manga and anime, you could turn it into a short, cute AMV. That would turn this sweet orange colored scenery like honey in the mouth.  :)
« Last Edit: November 02, 2012, 04:58:25 AM by Wyndfal »

Miss Nile

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Re: Orange colored scenery
« Reply #2 on: November 02, 2012, 05:15:34 AM »
Haha, I am glad my story inspired you, Efram. :3

I love this short, cute story. It has a warm, lovely feel to it and yeah, it just warms my heart. ^^ Definitely cheerful and smiley.

I am not much a big fan of anime phrases like "ne" and "oi" but it's really my personal preference. However, here, it did feel like it's not out of place, and seeing the atmosphere of the story, it does have that animish, Japanese feeling. XD

So yup, good work over all and to know that this is your first story-you have a talent there, Efra. :)

Efram

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Re: Orange colored scenery
« Reply #3 on: November 02, 2012, 10:02:05 AM »
Aww! Thank you  :blush: this was a surprisingly good feedback. Really glad my intentions got through.  :3
I like to use "eh", "oi" and "ne" cuz I can use it in portuguese, and have used it since a kid, and it still makes sense  XD

Rainheart

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Re: Orange colored scenery
« Reply #4 on: November 10, 2012, 09:16:24 AM »
Good work, Efram. I loved it.  :seraismile:

It was like a short teaser to a greater story. Tell me, is it going to be continued? I'd like to know more about them, how they met, how long have they known each other, what will happen to them...

Keep writing Efram. I will cheer you on  :hug:
Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain.
~ Author Unknown

Efram

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Re: Orange colored scenery
« Reply #5 on: November 10, 2012, 10:53:04 AM »
Good work, Efram. I loved it.  :seraismile:

It was like a short teaser to a greater story. Tell me, is it going to be continued? I'd like to know more about them, how they met, how long have they known each other, what will happen to them...

Keep writing Efram. I will cheer you on  :hug:

Thank you.  :seraismile: The thing is these are some characters that exist in a world in my mind. They're just living their lives for now I haven't created any kind of plot but maybe someday!  :mimihat:OHOHOHO~!

Dragon Mage

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Re: Orange colored scenery
« Reply #6 on: March 10, 2015, 11:46:53 PM »
That was a good story and was kinda cute in the end :3 I got a bit confused with the dialogs at one point but I figured it out in the end.

Good work! :plat:
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