Author Topic: Blue's Poetry ^-^  (Read 1343 times)

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Blue

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Blue's Poetry ^-^
« on: February 28, 2013, 03:07:43 PM »
Hiya, i finally found some of my old poems. Hope everyone here likes it; they may not be the best but i really enjoyed making them and i hope you enjoy reading them just as much -if not more! lol.

Heart-Ignition
My heart is made. Fire. quenching, surrounded.
From unlit candles. Flames, fully unbounded.
Soft yet broken, a once molten core,
sparking courage, quaking a soulless unmoved ore.

The blaze which accompany nights, the flames which accompany sights.
The burn, the demons. The fall, the mighty legions.
If purposeless, and with no reason to be,
then title me ice, hence never consider 'me'.

Courage. The remnants of burnt stars,
prosperous in some, but for some, just too far.
Collapsed between both eyes, they are the stories,
blind-less, they are defined, blind-less, they are the glories.

Question me? What are my certainties?
Not life, nor death, instead, condemned deformities.
No earth, and surely no crown,
No king, none to give hope to bring me down.

I will burn, but i will fly.
I will fall, but i will. not. die.
I will rise, and i will try,

Until i burn, until i can't breathe.
Until i fall, and until i can't see.

Quenched in fire...my heart will be free.
Well, hello there. I see you looking at my signature :)

Here take this:
"The Best things happen to those who make the best of the way things are"
[Inspiration Unlocked]
----------------------------

Ooh, Btw. Check out this little hobby of mine, feedback is deeply appreciated:
http://www.youtube.com/user/RoyalBlueGambit
Thanks for being awesome.

Wyndfal

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Re: Blue's Poetry ^-^
« Reply #1 on: February 28, 2013, 05:02:10 PM »
Ah, so finally we got to see your poems, Blue. I remember you said you had written some, and now here it is, in all its glory. :)

Since the poem itself is heavily abstract in nature, I can't be as much clear as I usually am when commenting on stories in prose, and much less certain. So, if you would be so kind as to correct me everywhere I make a mistake, I would deeply appreciate it, since no one understands a poem like its author.  :vikonsmile:


Heart-Ignition. The way you chose the name is interesting to me. You could have said (and indeed many would have preferred) 'The Ignition of the Heart', since this is usually how we write it, but you went for a seldom-if-ever-used two-word combination, effectively giving the title an air of poetic craft. And as you surely know, one of the most essential features of a poetic text is the unfamiliarity of the way the words are played, as is your case here.

Your poem is a modern one, which means there should be no obligation in following the strict rhyme patterns and meters of otherwise older poetic styles, which is why you have given yourself the liberty of following or breaking the rules. Also, there are numerous abrupt stops in some of your lines, as well as some occasionally less musical meters in some lines which are yet another herald of a modern poem. Especially, since the objective of this poem is (I guess) partly to spread without the chaos within, it is only natural for the lines to be a little chaotic.

Your curious use of the mysterious word 'blind-less' reminded me of Thomas Hardy's use of 'listlessness' in his poem 'The Voice'. The two words both require deep contemplation over the whole context to be understood. But since the author of this poem is still alive and breathing, I would like to ask him to tell me what it means :)

The poem strongly follows the irregular pattern of a flowing mind, the famed 'stream of consciousness' recurrent in modern literature. Hence, it is often pretty hard to pinpoint the exact meaning or interpretation for such texts, and yours is no exception. Still, when I tried to picture the whole sequence of scenes, I think I partly understood how you must have felt... This is just a wild guess but, could it be you were meditating in some sort? Because, I can really feel something both queer yet familiar about this whole thing. These chains of images, while seeming quite unrelated at first glance, might seem quite connected upon closer observation. Do tel me if I'm wrong about the origin of the scenes.

Quote
I will burn, but i will fly.
I will fall, but i will. not. die.
I will rise, and i will try,
This part was one of those which strangely emit an aura of otherworldly inspiration, grasped usually in meditative moments. Three short sentences rhyming in an otherwise irregularly-rhymed poem are more than coincidence, it seems to me. And they are beautiful as well, taking the poem to the climax of obscurity, topped only by the last lines.

This is the story of birth, death and rebirth. This is the tale of the age of fire, the beginning of life, the overflow of the eternal flame within, the ultimate understanding of the Truth, and the last implosion followed by a monstrous explosion dwarfing the ancient Big Bang. This is the Tale of the Last Fire...

WHOA! I lost control of myself for a second! :P But seriously, it has always been my top priority for a poem to be both heavily inspired and heavily inspirational, and this is surely a great example, rich with moments of sublime. I can't do it near enough credit for its sheer greatness, so I can only give you my simple words. :)

Great job, Blue. Don't forget to correct me wherever I was wrong. And post more of your poems soon  :vikonsmile:
« Last Edit: March 01, 2013, 11:01:09 AM by Wyndfal »

Blue

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Re: Blue's Poetry ^-^
« Reply #2 on: March 03, 2013, 09:10:30 AM »
thanks for the kind words. xD i love how you lose control of yourself  :) haha. well, you're right in saying the structure is similar to someone's thought pace. it truly is; its funny because its been so long since i've read it and its really nice to hear what other people say about it. it reminds me of how i felt when i writing that lol. story-wise i think the best way to put it is, its a simple moment in life. You've sort of just reflected on everything thats happened and you're now convincing yourself that you're ready to 're-ignite' that courage of yours to try again.

I wanted the wording for the title to seem more mechanical than a sentence, like it was a procedure that the strong go through.

hmm, in terms of the word blind-less i guess i used it because i wanted to combine the concept of fire, ashes, how they do blind you in a sense. And more importantly, even through this blindness you can still really see what lies in front of you.

hope that was a little insightful. i'm glad you enjoyed it ^-^
Well, hello there. I see you looking at my signature :)

Here take this:
"The Best things happen to those who make the best of the way things are"
[Inspiration Unlocked]
----------------------------

Ooh, Btw. Check out this little hobby of mine, feedback is deeply appreciated:
http://www.youtube.com/user/RoyalBlueGambit
Thanks for being awesome.

Blue

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Re: Blue's Poetry ^-^
« Reply #3 on: March 03, 2013, 03:17:46 PM »
I hope this one is more clear in terms of story. I know i can really abstract at times lol!


Buried in Moonlight

A command of light, a shining in the dark,
a seal among people, their crimes aboard this ark.

Could I ask? What more?
What concealed footsteps? What incandescent bore.

This radiant beam of such noble birth,
cursed yet sacred, spanning all of mother earth,

The changing of night, the wolf's reprise,
the saint among the cold, claims or lies?

As these moments pause, cryptic, with just cause,
where does the black moon rise? where do the sad saints cry?
all i hear, is the forest that weeps,
all i hear, is the silence that sleeps.

The conduits that they built, born from sadness,
the puppeteer chosen, one part pain, one part madness.
The death of friends, mourned but nearly forgotten,
Hope, merely a tragedy. Like names, never spoken.
Remember, nonetheless. Your solemn duty.
Regardless whether born from sadness or from beauty,
Your hope, like moonlight, will only ever shine greatly,
when darkness night comes, leaving chaos. leaving anarchy.
Well, hello there. I see you looking at my signature :)

Here take this:
"The Best things happen to those who make the best of the way things are"
[Inspiration Unlocked]
----------------------------

Ooh, Btw. Check out this little hobby of mine, feedback is deeply appreciated:
http://www.youtube.com/user/RoyalBlueGambit
Thanks for being awesome.