Author Topic: Flickering Like a Candle  (Read 1091 times)

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Kracken Kitty

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Flickering Like a Candle
« on: October 15, 2010, 08:27:33 AM »
I don't write much. But I wanna do the writing thingy too if I wanna draw manga in the future... @__@

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Spoiler: show
It was pathetic lying here in the streets like this. And yet as I stared up at the quiet fall of snowflakes, the world flickered in and out. Like candle. An irritating...cumbersome candle that I wanted so much to reach out to and crush the life out of it.

As a matter of fact, I could feel my own life slipping away. The longer I laid here, the colder it got. And darker became the world. Flickering in an out. Like a candle.

From my parched lips, I almost laughed. How in the hell did I ever end up like this?


Just several months ago, my double life seemed perfect. By day, I was a simple highschool student. A class president...

But by night, I was the leader of a notorious gang. Infamous for stealing. Wanted for murdering. And now I'm branded a traitor in both worlds. Stabbed and left for dead in an empty square, unable to move and unable to call for help while people passed by afraid to look at me. Afraid to touch me.

They already knew what I was. And I was the worst of them all. Doesn't that just make you laugh?

Well you go ahead and laugh. I'll choke on my own blood if I laugh now. I'm breathing through two holes, you see. One in my gut, the other in my chest. And I'm pretty sure, that as I fled from my gang, I had gotten several bullets into me too.

That's life, I guess. The destiny of every two-faced bastard son like me....but...I wish I could still be alive...for just a little longer...

But the world was darker. The snow was black. And my vision flickered in and out. Over and over in the silent fall. Like a candle...but now a little different. Because now...everytime I closed my eyes, "she" would appear.

"Anri..." my voice was dry. Parched even as I licked away the small droplets of snow that adourned my lips. I was never quenched. And I was never cold. And I was never warm. I was only numb as I stared at the world going dark.

Dear Anri, I wish now, with all my heart that I could turn back time to tell you just how much I loved you. Even when you knew what I was, you were the only one who never turned away from me. Oh, Anri...the snow is cold...but I feel so warm now. Maybe it's just all the blood that I've let out into the snow underneath me.
It's warm, and I'm feeling tired now.

Anri, how did you feel abut me? You know, the ring is still in my pocket? You never did give me an answer yet. I guess now, it's too late.

The world stopped flickering for a second, allowing me to watched the dark skies rain the gentle fall of snow. It was quiet in the square. See? It's almost dawn. Soon, I'll never be able to see you again.

"Anri..." Tears were in my eyes now, as I lifted my hands toward the sky, seeing your beautiful figure, smiling warmth and love....but all I could hold was the small drops of watery snow in one bloddy hand. What the hell is this sharp pain in my chest now? The tears came flowing out like a river and I sobbed in heavy heaves.

"Anri!" Why can't you hear me? "ANRI!!" Wasn't our love stronger than the bonds of iron? Stronger than the bonds that kept our world together? Or is it because you don't want to hear me...?

Inhuman anguish. I could feel it mixing, molding, tearing at my soul. I screamed. And screamed like the dying man I was. And the world flickered again. In and out. Flickering like a candle.

But just like that, the candle died. And my life disappeared. Just like that.


Meh, it's a little corny. But its something that I wanna tie into a story somewhere in the future... :3


Check out my art stuff! :D http://niorichi-art.tumblr.com/

Vasha

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Re: Flickering Like a Candle
« Reply #1 on: October 15, 2010, 09:16:37 AM »
I liked it ;) I like the candle repetition thing. But... if it's hard for him to breathe, I don't think he'd be saying her name, much less screaming it. You've got a few grammar mistakes at the beginning, and I think i spotted a spelling error, but overall it was pretty cool :D

Miss Nile

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Re: Flickering Like a Candle
« Reply #2 on: October 15, 2010, 06:07:32 PM »
I like it, too. Loved how it was described and all, and how it slowly and normally revealed the dying man's life. It was beautiful and sad. ^^ Although I agree with Vasha on the point of his breathing. That was the only flaw I noticed. :)

Merlandese

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Re: Flickering Like a Candle
« Reply #3 on: October 15, 2010, 06:57:40 PM »
It could use a few more runs over, but as a rough draft, it isn't bad at all. I could especially see it with drawn panels. Good job!
Spoiler: show

Gotta love some Elton...  :platquack:
elton john - candle in the wind


Kracken Kitty

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Re: Flickering Like a Candle
« Reply #4 on: October 18, 2010, 03:47:23 AM »
OMG! Elton John was a pianist?? o///O I only saw him play in Country Bears... -___-; But he's got a nice voice...

And thanks for the critique, guys! You can tell I don't write much, but I try to. o: I want to be good so it's important to have some feedback. One day I want this to kind of tie into a story...
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