Author Topic: Succession in Blood  (Read 1828 times)

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Forgotten_Bard

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Succession in Blood
« on: May 15, 2010, 11:25:25 PM »
Alright here is a story for a character I have.  In my creative writing class I did a short story and a play for her.  For those of you who have not been to the board, I would like to introduce Brizriia Ousstyl The fourth eldest daughter of the Ousstyl house and a very vicious Drow.  Enjoy.

It wouldn’t take long now…  Just a little longer and the Master Magician would emerge to cast another enchantment on the great rock formation that helped dictate a new day deep within the Underdark, a cycle of 24 hours that was identified through its radiating heat rather than the weak dependency on sunlight like the rest of those pathetic surface dwellers.  Hunching down behind a lone rock, ebony fingers curled slightly over the top of the cover, a right hand drifted down to a side where a whip lay coiled, the nine serpent heads dormant until her touch awakened them to their enchantment.  Now!

The glow flashed across the vision of all those that watched.  Though that vision was far greater than normal sight dictated as a world dictated by the heat spectrum saw this cold and black world where all other eyesight failed.  With the flash came movement as the figure pushed up from one hiding spot and rushed on silent feet skittering across rock and ground to another spot.  In that small passing it could be noted that a strange blue light emanated from the left arm of the figure, faintly bathing a face and body in its deep sapphire glow.  A smooth and angular face, with eyes closed seemed to look off towards the vast deep of the Underdark as those strange elven tips to the ears became obvious, if the dark skin and copper hair didn’t identify the oddity as it was.  Soon, those closed eyes would open, almost as black as the skin and the darkness that consumed the body in its blessed shadows, though even for the darkest black, those faint glows of crimson almost seemed eerie, as they hung in the black.  Left hand sliding across the rock before her, Brizriia let a smirk part across those dark lips as the rock cracked and split at the touch of the pure mana that hung around her hand, a smirk that seemed almost as alarming and dangerous as the silver hourglass mark that hovered on the small of her back, barely visible no thanks to the smooth and tight covering of her sorceress armor, hair braided lightly to not get in her way.

Not far ahead were he targets, the only thing that drew a frown after such a deep smirk had set upon the face, left fingers curling a bit as the mana went ecstatic and swirled thickly around her fist.  Moving the hand from view she moved to the next large boulder, a mass of deep purples and blacks with her infra-vision as the yellow, red and white blobs of her prey’s heat signatures continued on down the long path.  For the past few hours it had been this game, hunting without being seen.  Drawing close then fading away, A Drow never rushed these things, though the time to strike was drawing close and every pore on her body seemed to agree, pausing only to let rows of ivory walls be exposed in the black, as a wet and slippery muscle emerged like a slithering serpent, tracing the edge of those ivory walls before vanishing back in its dark cave.

Rising once more, feet perfectly silent and hands sought out the cold and resilient touch of stone, she rushed to regain sight of her prey as they had circled around the corridor, left hand trailing slightly behind and the cracks and splits dragged and traced where her fingers had ghosted their touch.

That’s it…. Move deeper into the cavern, follow the trail into my waiting web like good little flies… The cackle that followed was silently held in her mind as Brizriia turned to see the two she stalked not far off, pausing at what appeared to be a fork in the tunnel.  Pace quickening as her left hand began to hide behind, breaking slowly away from the wall her right hand gripped the handle to her whip, the nine snake heads awakening to her touch but remaining silent until used.  Closer.  Closer.  Closer!

She was almost upon them as the first began to turn.  Too soon, too soon.  Right hand casting out as the heads stuck out of their own accord, biting down on soft flesh as fangs bit down and administered their toxins into the body, drawing out a numbing paralysis that would eventually kill the target in high enough concentrations.  The first figure went rigid, the heads biting legs arms and neck and effectively disabling them as the second rushed around drawing up a small hand held crossbow.  Too slow.  Already fearing the bolts and planning ahead she slid, passing from the other’s line of sight as she slid up next to her opponent.

“Hello…. Sisters…”  Brizria could almost feel the eyes drilling into her as frowns set in stone.

“Brizriia… Just like a younger sister to grow jealous of her perfect sisters… When the Matron Mother finds out about this-“ 

Oh the humor in it all.  Her chuckle did echo into the silence, left hand reaching around as her thumb and fingers locked around the neck of the other.  Standing at 5 foot 6 inches she was on the taller side of the drow, and had a good 4 inches on either sister, though they were older.  Combined with her strength and the sudden progression she lifted the other up, the mana flaring as the body seemed to jerk and struggle.

“What are you doing to Alaunlochar!”  The second voice screamed from its helpless position as it could only watch in horror as the mana flared brightly, stealing away the energies and life of the other.  Those black eyes, mixed with crimson, only stared back, laughter ripping through the cavern as she felt the twitching die down and grow still, dropping the carcass unceremoniously to her feat and looking at her hand.

“Delicious…”  She paused to regard the second eldest sister- No.  The eldest sister, Amallaunim, watched her and the husk of the once-eldest daughter of the Ousstyl house.  Lifting her left hand up she took a step closer to stroke the cheek of the other, who stood frozen, unable but to snarl.  “About the Matron Mother… Her favor blessed me with my powerful weapon and the blessing to… prune the weaker limbs off the family tree…”

Oh how she wished to see the horrified look on the other’s face but just knowing the other would exit this world with that shock was enough.  Waving her left hand the weaves of mana wove a shimmering turquoise square in front of the other, a single walled barrier, or a shield in simpler terms.  She laughed as her fingers traced her side of the shield delicately, the sapphire and raw energy rushing to fill the empty gap in the shield as it seemed to fill with a black cloud of uncontrolled and wild energy.  Drawing her hand away slightly she let the very walls of the simple barrier bulge with energy before releasing it and turning to head back the way she came.

The shrieks of her sister rebounded and echoed throughout the tunnel and the silent black of the Underdark as the kinetic shield rushed to make contact with her flesh.  The deep concentration of mana rending any and all organic material into pulp.  And it wouldn’t be long as even that shriek was little more than an echo.

Drawing her left fingers to her lips she licked them carefully, removing what blood splashed on them as she smiled a twisted smile.  Now she was the eldest daughter to the Matron Mother and the strongest of the Ousstyl daughters.

In time she would gladly take that seat from the Matron Mother as well, but she had other plans she needed to finish for now.  Letting one more cackle escape into the blackness she walked back without need to worry about a surprise attack, since only a fool would approach a black widow while she was feeding.
« Last Edit: May 16, 2010, 08:18:21 PM by Forgotten_Bard »
A letter, a word
...
A sentence, a paragraph
...
A page, a story
...
A book, a novel.
...
They all mean so little when you can't take time to put your soul into the work.

Vasha

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Re: Succession in Blood
« Reply #1 on: May 16, 2010, 08:54:04 AM »
i'm gonna read it, don't have time right now, though. might i just say PARAGRAPH BREAKS? bitte?

Forgotten_Bard

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Re: Succession in Blood
« Reply #2 on: May 16, 2010, 01:10:44 PM »
There are paragraph breaks -.-  Unless the focus of the story shifts to a new point in time or a new location, without the use of travel in the middle, that is when a story gets those fancy spaces.  It also works if the character focus shifts.  As this is just a short story and remains following the main character the breaks are what you get if you read a novel, or a short story.
A letter, a word
...
A sentence, a paragraph
...
A page, a story
...
A book, a novel.
...
They all mean so little when you can't take time to put your soul into the work.

Vasha

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Re: Succession in Blood
« Reply #3 on: May 16, 2010, 03:18:49 PM »
Yeah, but usually new paragraphs have indentations. The forums doesn't do that, so there are paragraph breaks, but it's still a big block of text :(

Forgotten_Bard

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Re: Succession in Blood
« Reply #4 on: May 16, 2010, 07:29:03 PM »
true, and most stories are also supposed to be submitted double spaced but if one of my private forums doesn't complain about a special novel I am working on, written in a similar design, you shouldn't worry about a simple short story.  I'm trying to make my work more professional.
A letter, a word
...
A sentence, a paragraph
...
A page, a story
...
A book, a novel.
...
They all mean so little when you can't take time to put your soul into the work.

Sushi

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Re: Succession in Blood
« Reply #5 on: May 16, 2010, 07:47:04 PM »
Meh, formatting arguments, I disapprove.

But I think what Vasha's trying to say is it would be easier to read, instead of being this one big wall of text. x____X

(But Vasha, you used to do this too, so you're really in no position to complain. d:)
"Part of the appeal of the fantastic is taking ridiculous ideas very seriously and pretending they're not absurd." — China Miéville

Forgotten_Bard

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Re: Succession in Blood
« Reply #6 on: May 16, 2010, 08:19:01 PM »
there I broke it up, since someone who has a clean track record pointed it out.  The way you went at it Vasha you sounded personal about it.
A letter, a word
...
A sentence, a paragraph
...
A page, a story
...
A book, a novel.
...
They all mean so little when you can't take time to put your soul into the work.

Vasha

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Re: Succession in Blood
« Reply #7 on: May 16, 2010, 10:28:30 PM »
@Bard: okay, i'm sorry if i offended you, I was just being lazy... and contrary... and yeah. i'll read it now :P (cuz i have time, it totally has nothing to do with editing it! :P)

@sushi: oh sush, that was in my early days of posting stories on the internet :P

but yeah, i didn't mean it harsh or personal at all, i was just kind of trying to lend a hand, and failed... miserably :seraisweatdrop:

so... -goes to read-

Sushi

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Re: Succession in Blood
« Reply #8 on: May 16, 2010, 10:29:26 PM »
Pffft, Vasha, Vampyra was 'early days'? d:

-and will read also when she is not dead tired-
"Part of the appeal of the fantastic is taking ridiculous ideas very seriously and pretending they're not absurd." — China Miéville

Vasha

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Re: Succession in Blood
« Reply #9 on: May 16, 2010, 10:38:43 PM »
@sushi: well, not early days of writing, but of posting it online, yeah, actually.

@bard: just read it. it's... dark. i like that ;D (reading about murder is always fun :P). one or two things to look out for: 1) i'm not sure, but i think you might have switched between past and present tense a few times - not sure. 2) there was one time where she thought something and it looked just like the rest of the text. i'm not sure if that had been formatted before and just didn't transfer over to the forum, but whatever.

so, yeah, sorry about bugging you about formatting and stuff.