Author Topic: Not quite poetry  (Read 1507 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

abigailian

  • isn't creeped out by yellow wallpaper
  • Mod-Suspect
  • Tier 7
  • *
  • Posts: 2797
  • Gender: Female
  • Oh emm SNAP!
Not quite poetry
« on: April 15, 2010, 09:43:34 AM »
I wrote this today. I don't think I'll ever do anything with it, but I guess you guys can see it.

Spoiler: show
I know we're just friends, but can I tell you you make my day a little brighter?
A smile from you is such an encouragement to me, and our conversations lift my spirit.
I've never had a bad day that included you.
Your humor and personality are perfect for cheering me up.

I know we're just friends, but can I tell you I really admire you?
I admire your talent, and your drive. I think you have a lot of potential.
I admire you as a person. You are very kind, very intelligent, and very wonderfully unique, and I'm so glad that I know you.

I know we're just friends, but can I tell you I feel like we have a connection?
Our conversation is so easy, and you understand me in a way I'm not used to being understood.
When you are honest about your feelings, I feel as if there's an emptiness there that I could help to fill, if I had the chance.

I know we're just friends, and I've probably gone too far, but sometimes you make me catch my breath.
I'm captivated by the way you walk, the way you look, the way you speak.
I feel as if an inspired artist must have designed every detail of your appearance and demeanor.

I know we're just friends, but sometimes when I see you hold her hand, it's hard for me to feel happy for you.
I care about you, and I can do it, if that's what you want from me.
But it's a struggle.

I know we're just friends.
If that's the way it has to be, so be it.
But I do want more.


And for those of you I've talked to about this person, no developments yet. Just getting my feelings out. :)
This might hurt, it's not safe / But I know that I've gotta make a change / I don't care if I break,
At least I'll be feeling something


Legacyblade

  • 発行所は頑張って下さい!
  • Mod-Suspect
  • Tier 7
  • *
  • Posts: 2952
  • Gender: Male
  • Current Mood: playful playful
Re: Not quite poetry
« Reply #1 on: April 15, 2010, 02:28:31 PM »
I really like the prose poem. Even if I didn't get what was going on, I'd understand what it was trying to say. I like poems I understand. :)

Reives

  • Dr Platplat
  • Director
  • Tier 7
  • ****
  • Posts: 11332
  • Gender: Male
    • Freebird Games
  • Current Mood: happy happy
Re: Not quite poetry
« Reply #2 on: April 15, 2010, 02:58:51 PM »
Feels good to let it out, eh? Honest stuff, and I like the structure of it. Are you just using it as a release or actually gonna show him?

abigailian

  • isn't creeped out by yellow wallpaper
  • Mod-Suspect
  • Tier 7
  • *
  • Posts: 2797
  • Gender: Female
  • Oh emm SNAP!
Re: Not quite poetry
« Reply #3 on: April 15, 2010, 03:33:52 PM »
It'd be fun if I could show him someday. :) No plans anytime soon. I thought I'd get a chance to talk to him today, but stuff got in the way... grr... in some ways, it's like we get thrown together so often, and in other ways, like the times when I'm DETERMINED to talk to him and have a good opportunity to bring it up, something always comes up. >:(
This might hurt, it's not safe / But I know that I've gotta make a change / I don't care if I break,
At least I'll be feeling something


Raxus

  • とてもかっこいいですよ!
  • Mod-Suspect
  • Tier 7
  • *
  • Posts: 10102
  • Gender: Male
  • Ignore the Hats! I don't have a problem!
    • Cupcakes So Sweet and Tasty~
  • Current Mood: playful playful
Re: Not quite poetry
« Reply #4 on: April 15, 2010, 03:55:06 PM »
I support you, Abi! :hug:

By the way, I still miss you. :(

Legacyblade

  • 発行所は頑張って下さい!
  • Mod-Suspect
  • Tier 7
  • *
  • Posts: 2952
  • Gender: Male
  • Current Mood: playful playful
Re: Not quite poetry
« Reply #5 on: April 15, 2010, 04:23:17 PM »
You won't get the chance unless you make it. Anime is based on life, and if you just wait for the chance, then it'll end up being like school rumble x.x

abigailian

  • isn't creeped out by yellow wallpaper
  • Mod-Suspect
  • Tier 7
  • *
  • Posts: 2797
  • Gender: Female
  • Oh emm SNAP!
Re: Not quite poetry
« Reply #6 on: April 15, 2010, 04:29:07 PM »
Haha! What's school rumble?

Anyway, it is sort of a cool structure, right? I actually added a couple extra 'verses' after the first draft, trying to fit them into the right place in that 'friendly' to 'almost in love' spectrum. I wonder if I could write like a pop song based on that structure? It might be worth a shot. Dude, this kid is giving me so many good ideas, lately.

An' thanks Raxus! :)
This might hurt, it's not safe / But I know that I've gotta make a change / I don't care if I break,
At least I'll be feeling something


Blood Angel Evengelion

  • Guest
Re: Not quite poetry
« Reply #7 on: April 15, 2010, 11:49:42 PM »
Super awsome peom. A lot of people can really relate to something like this. I admire your ability as a writer and a well rounded poet.  :reivsmile:

Legacyblade

  • 発行所は頑張って下さい!
  • Mod-Suspect
  • Tier 7
  • *
  • Posts: 2952
  • Gender: Male
  • Current Mood: playful playful
Re: Not quite poetry
« Reply #8 on: April 16, 2010, 03:11:29 AM »
school rumble is an affectionate parody of the romantic comedy genre. Most of the romances comprise of people stuck in the friend zone. Every time they try to declare their love, something gets in the way or they totally chicken out. My favorite example is that when one guy was going to confess his love, his pet giraffe grabs him and takes him home.

And it has a pop song feel, it'd be interesting to see a pop song composed off of that structure. You should try it :D