Author Topic: Untold Mana (Title not fixed)  (Read 3642 times)

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mepwnn

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Untold Mana (Title not fixed)
« on: April 14, 2009, 01:25:34 AM »
This discussion started in Forum Games after I posted a youtube link for my game...
Here is the link if you didn't see it yet.

Story
Spoiler: show
Long ago, there was one world, named Arral. On it lived three races: The Bloodthirsty Demons, the angelic Celestials, and the proud Humans.
They were stubbornly independent and had no connections to each other whatsoever.
For centuries, there was peace. That was, until the gods interfered.
The Gods saw their future in utter chaos if they did not unite now. So they decided to make the Humans the ones to unite everyone.
They gave the Humans the power of Mana, a power so strong, that no human magic could hope to win against it.
The Demons, known for their greedy and warlike nature, sensed this power and decided to take it for themselves. They launched a bunch of ships
to the continent of Neras, where the Humans resided.
This act of war provoked the Celestials to defend the Humans. The Celestials called upon their magic to stop the ships from reaching Neras.
Unfortunately, it wasn't enough. The Demons suspended their attack and raided Vesta, the northern land of the Celestials.
The attack devastated the Celestial population. It left only ten percent of the original populous.
The Demons then relaunched their attack on Neras.
The Human Alliance, formed upon receiving Mana, strengthened the borders of Neras before the Demons arrived.
But that, like the Celestial attack on the Demon ships, was futile. The Demons outnumbered the humans by ten to one.
The situation looked grim, but the Humans called upon Mana to help them. The power of the gods obliterated the Demon forces.
Then, the Humans discovered what was left of the Celestials. They quickly took them to a remote fort on Jisal to get information.
The Celestials warned the Humans that, if nothing was done to seal Mana, then "the Demons will constantly attack your borders until nothing is left."
Quickly, the Humans and Celestials together began to seal Mana. After two hard weeks, Mana was sealed.
However, it was not enough. The Demons, instead of becoming discouraged, became more ruthless, not affected by this minor and temporary setback.

Characters AGES AND NAMES EDITED
Spoiler: show

Aren
Age - 18
Occupation - Swordsman
Background - The main protagonist of the story; friends with traveler Kanea and future princess Azure. Good all-rounder character. Wields long swords

Kanea
Age - 19
Occupation - Traveler and naturist
Background - Aren's childhood friend. Loves to travel and study nature. Wields rapiers.

Varus
Age - 24
Occupation - Prince
Background - Royal prince of Kaora, kind of a stuck up guy. Hates his inferiors and is a kiss up to his superiors, especially his dad, hoping to become king one day. Greedy and used to be friends with Azure. Something has changed about him, though... Wields staves

"Nighthawk" (Name not in anyway influenced by Nightbane :P)
Age - 16? 19? Somewhere in his late teens or early twenties.
Occupation - Unstoppable thief.
Background - If you see him, you're too late; he's stolen something from you. Afterwords, he leaves no trace of ever being there. Multiple attempts to stop him and countless bounties have been made. Wields special weapons only, cannot be bought in shops.

Azure
Age - Appears to be 19, but is really 174 years old.
Occupation - Future princess of Kaora and Celestial shaman.
Background - Friends with Aren and Kanea, and have been protected from all harm. Confirmed rumors about her being one of the last Celestials alive and is the housing of Mana. Wields the powerful staff Neverance.

UPDATE:
New battle system. Tactical Battle System! Good old Fire Emblem style.
At the beginning, I just... run around to find an enemy to fight. Sorry about that!

Feel free to comment on anything! No screenies, sorry. But I'm working on a screenshot function, so just be patient!
Cheers!

Spoiler: show

Via Obliterus, the road of the hero... many have tried. None have succeeded. Can you?

« Last Edit: December 03, 2009, 02:25:29 AM by shinokishi »
Portals... must capture... ALL the portals... (click image to enlarge)

Forgotten_Bard

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Re: Untold Mana (Title not fixed)
« Reply #1 on: April 14, 2009, 01:32:25 AM »
I'm sorry, this thing is riddled with cliche's

The story is okay but it leaves some holes in the picture..  sit down and collect your thoughts for about 20 minutes then describe it and put it to the best possible story that fits it.

THe characters, I feel, are too young and are seen constantly in many games.  Try to age them up to their early 20s or so, if it doesn't ruin the story line or atleast make the bios more believable, something the player can connect with and sympathize with the character.

The game is a good outline at best but you have a ways to go.
A letter, a word
...
A sentence, a paragraph
...
A page, a story
...
A book, a novel.
...
They all mean so little when you can't take time to put your soul into the work.

mepwnn

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Re: Untold Mana (Title not fixed)
« Reply #2 on: April 14, 2009, 01:39:34 AM »
About the story... It's a shortened version of the original story I had to write for someone. That's probably why it's filled with holes.

As for the characters... I can change them. Did you take a look at my youtube video? There's something in there about age, which is why I made Darren
16 years old. But, if it doesn't fit, I can change them.
But seen in many games? Can you please give an example?
Portals... must capture... ALL the portals... (click image to enlarge)

Forgotten_Bard

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Re: Untold Mana (Title not fixed)
« Reply #3 on: April 14, 2009, 01:49:42 AM »
I'm dead right now cause it is almost 11 at night here but a few that come to mind are, the zelda games(origonals), most of the final fantasy games have characters 19 and bellow and that is still considered young... I honestly can;t think any more... look around this site, i think it is in the rm[xp/vx] and game design main page or one of the others but it has a link to the top 100+ cliches in RPGs.  IT is very helpful and helps you be aware of your story and build one that is both interesting and origonal, with as little cliche's as possible...
A letter, a word
...
A sentence, a paragraph
...
A page, a story
...
A book, a novel.
...
They all mean so little when you can't take time to put your soul into the work.

Forgotten_Bard

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Re: Untold Mana (Title not fixed)
« Reply #4 on: April 14, 2009, 01:54:53 AM »
shame on me double post

here is the link to the thread with the references
http://quintessence-tbv.com/forum/index.php?topic=891.0
A letter, a word
...
A sentence, a paragraph
...
A page, a story
...
A book, a novel.
...
They all mean so little when you can't take time to put your soul into the work.

mepwnn

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Re: Untold Mana (Title not fixed)
« Reply #5 on: April 14, 2009, 02:01:42 AM »
don worry, it's 11 oclock here and im still awake  :P

i'll check out the thread tommorow. *yawns widely and collapses*

EDIT: Ages are now changed, and that part in the game I referred to is also changed.
« Last Edit: April 18, 2009, 02:23:35 PM by mepwnn »
Portals... must capture... ALL the portals... (click image to enlarge)

mepwnn

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Re: Untold Mana (Title not fixed)
« Reply #6 on: May 03, 2009, 06:04:08 PM »
Probably not a double post

"Mepwnn is really busy. There's a demo for his game up on Rapidshare, but it isn't very good."
"
"But hopefully he'll make it better soon. Just be patient with him!"


Oh, and sorry for the huge faces


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mepwnn

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Re: Untold Mana (Title not fixed)
« Reply #7 on: June 17, 2009, 11:21:12 PM »
New maps made, but my grassland map looks a hella lot like VoTB :o



Oh, and my brother came up with Aeril before we heard about Quintessence... (Aeril, Aeria, one letter difference :P)
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Miss Nile

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Re: Untold Mana (Title not fixed)
« Reply #8 on: June 18, 2009, 06:39:04 AM »
Your map is so empty and not detailed enough. There are lots of empty spaces. You should add more trees, more flowers, more plants. Otherwise, it will be just like some sort of green land with a tent and grass on it.

Delphinus

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Re: Untold Mana (Title not fixed)
« Reply #9 on: June 20, 2009, 03:17:40 AM »
Agree with Love. I more liks your new maps.  :kardiansmile:

The only one reminds me of Quintessence in word Aeril is Laeril not Aeria  :o
« Last Edit: July 07, 2009, 10:56:46 PM by D, always D »

mepwnn

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Re: Untold Mana (Title not fixed)
« Reply #10 on: July 24, 2009, 12:48:54 PM »
(Holy snap, you're right!)

Characters have been changed. See first post
Portals... must capture... ALL the portals... (click image to enlarge)