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Headers => Introductions & Farewells => Topic started by: Abrom on November 18, 2015, 11:26:39 AM

Title: Hey...I'm Abrom
Post by: Abrom on November 18, 2015, 11:26:39 AM
I really had no interest of doing this at first, since I figured I'd get sick of the people on these forums just like any other, but after a year and 280 posts later...it's about time.
My name's Eric Jousma, I'm a 28 year old male, my birthday's April 19th, and I live in the woods of Bruce Crossing, which is a small town located in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, U.S.A. My hobbies have continually narrowed to the point of listening to a specific taste in heavy metal, and playing some video games (mostly on the PC). I'll try out only a few games a year, and usually there's only one or two that'll stick with me. I USUALLY go for a co-op game that gives a new experience, good action, and lots of replayibility, so I can play it with a brother again and again.
I've lived in my home for as long as I can remember. I dropped out of high school at the beginning of 11th grade and got a GED. I have three brothers (and one half-brother), who have all moved on to do their own things. My father passed away from lung cancer on 9-11-2011, so it's just me and my mother here. I've worked full time jobs for only three years in my adult life, because I got sick of doing all the work with no say. After that, I tried to do odd jobs for dirt cheap. There's a lot of elderly in my area, so I figured I'd help out, and I hoped the satisfaction of that would be enough. Well...that satisfaction didn't last, but people's need of me did. Back pain, a bad knee, and constant headaches caused me to take over 20,000 200mg Ibuprofen in the last 6-7 years. My stomach was having a hard time handling it, and depression had sapped my energy away to almost nothing. So, I decided it was time to cut ties with people, get my health coverage taken care, and see a doctor...which I did. The doctor gave me anti-depressants and recommended me to a chiropractor for the pain, and a therapist to help cope with the depression.
The chiropractor was surprised at how young I was to have such pain, but the x-rays taken proved that I wasn't lying. My knee kept coming out of place as a kid, and where it ended it up wasn't good. The bottom half of my leg was pushed back and twisted, which was causing stress on my ligaments and continually weakening them. Since I've been seeing the chiropractor on a regular basis, my knee seems to be back in place and getting better, but as far as my back goes, he even said himself that it would be an up-and-down struggle. He deciphered that the problems with my back actually started from my hips, and whatever caused them to tilt must have happened over 10 years ago. I remember taking a hard fall off some bus steps in elementary school, so that must have been it. Anyway, because of my slanted hips, this put a lot of pressure on the lowest disc in my spine. Although the disc is in bad shape, it should still recover once I'm fixed up. But, that wasn't the only problem from my slanted hips; they also caused my spine to have a bit of S-shaped scoliosis (curving). The bottom part of my spine was bending to try and line up with my hips, while the upper part was bending the opposite direction to keep my head level. This scoliosis, along with hard physical work, also caused a few vertebrae to twist out of place in the lower portion. As for the curvature in my neck, it's the prime suspect of my headaches. Although these problems seem to be getting better overall, it's a struggle, and I'm definitely not 'good' yet. To keep swelling down during this process, my chiropractor advised me to ice my neck, back, hips, and knees, three times a day. Each icing session takes half an hour (two ice packs to do 10 minutes on each area), so it eats up a bit of time.
As for the therapist: several sessions and a psychological test have rendered a conclusion; I have Schizoid Personality Disorder. It's probably not what you might think it to be. To get a good understanding of what it is, check out these three pages on WebMD http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/mental-health-schizoid-personality-disorder (http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/mental-health-schizoid-personality-disorder)
Life experiences have led me to this point, but despite how justified I think my view of my surroundings are, that's really beside the point. The point is, I haven't been happy for a long time, and I don't see it ever getting better; that needs to change. I'm told it's going to be a long process, and I'm not going to think differently overnight. So, if it seems like I'm not interested in you or what you do, it's because I'm not...but, try not to take it too personal; I'm that way with almost anyone. To put it nicely, if it turns out that I do like you, then that's quite a feat.
Title: Re: Hey...I'm Abrom
Post by: Dragon Mage on November 18, 2015, 03:54:41 PM
Sorry for how your life's been :( I hope things will get better for you later on.
Title: Re: Hey...I'm Abrom
Post by: Roxaszu on November 19, 2015, 05:33:47 AM
Well,
Better late than never... 
Welcome and It's nice to have you here, Abrom
Title: Re: Hey...I'm Abrom
Post by: Sun on November 19, 2015, 01:47:43 PM
Hm, I see. You've got quite a lot to deal with, Abrom.
I'm curious as to what schizoid personality disorder entails. With you not caring about most people, does it also mean that you don't care a lot about what others think about you, or when they try to hurt you? And does it mean you would always say what you think and not care what effect it might have on others?
Title: Re: Hey...I'm Abrom
Post by: Abrom on November 19, 2015, 06:40:23 PM
Hm, I see. You've got quite a lot to deal with, Abrom.
I'm curious as to what schizoid personality disorder entails. With you not caring about most people, does it also mean that you don't care a lot about what others think about you, or when they try to hurt you? And does it mean you would always say what you think and not care what effect it might have on others?
I can't speak for everyone, I can only speak on my behalf. As it's been explained to me, I lack empathy. When I try to put myself in someone else's shoes, I think they have the worst of intentions. As for being 'indifferent' to praise or criticism, I either feel nothing when complimented, or I see the negative suggestion that goes with it. And, if someone takes their criticisms with me too far, I get pissed...very pissed. It wouldn't be so bad if I had an effective outlet, but I don't, so everything's come to a breaking point. I dwell and over-analyze situations, and if I think someone's out of line, I'll definitely tell them why they're wrong. It's not that I'm autistic; I recognize situations and can learn from them, but what I learn from it usually isn't what's best for me.
Title: Re: Hey...I'm Abrom
Post by: Abrom on November 21, 2015, 07:48:42 PM
Edit - I'm just going to erase what I had here, because I said something that caused others to worry. It was wrong of me. Sorry.
Title: Re: Hey...I'm Abrom
Post by: Sun on November 21, 2015, 08:08:59 PM
That was ... unexpected.
Not sure if you'll read this. But what you wrote sounds a bit cryptic and worrisome. Abrom, if this therapist doesn't cut it anymore, can you see about finding another one?
Whether you're here on these forums or not, totally your decision.
Just, please take care.
Title: Re: Hey...I'm Abrom
Post by: Dragon Mage on November 21, 2015, 08:14:55 PM
An intro and outro in one thread? That sucks man. Well farewell, Abrom.
Title: Re: Hey...I'm Abrom
Post by: Austin Li on November 21, 2015, 08:31:26 PM
....
Title: Re: Hey...I'm Abrom
Post by: Legacyblade on November 21, 2015, 09:21:38 PM
I understand where you're coming from. For a good chunk of my life I also lacked empathy and always assumed everyone had the worst of intentions. Getting out more into the real world will help a ton. But you'll always be welcome here Abrom :) I hope things start going better for you.

P.S. If you have trouble connecting and understanding people, try studying imrpov comedy. Between that and reading a lot of psychology books, I was able to figure people out enough to fake connection until I learned how to actually connect! Maybe it'll help you too. :D
Title: Re: Hey...I'm Abrom
Post by: Erenussocrates on November 22, 2015, 08:22:36 AM
Oh well, I hope it turns out better for you dude, you are always welcome here.
Title: Re: Hey...I'm Abrom
Post by: Eli on November 22, 2015, 05:39:23 PM
Abrom, I might have not always agreed with your opinions, but I have always admired the fact that you expressed your opinion without any fear of whether others will like it or not, also your posts showed that you seriously consider the facts and think about the thing you are going to post about.
I hope we can see you here again, and I hope things go well in your life.
Title: Re: Hey...I'm Abrom
Post by: Abrom on November 22, 2015, 09:51:49 PM
Yeah, I just did something I shouldn't have, but didn't follow through all the way. I got a change of venue now, so hopefully that'll help. I'm can't stand most people, but I obviously can't be left to my own thoughts either; gotta find the right balance. Thanks for the concern everybody.
Title: Re: Hey...I'm Abrom
Post by: Sun on November 23, 2015, 12:43:11 AM
Phew.
Stupid as it may sound, who else to have passionate debates with about Finding Paradise? And don't expect mercy from my end if we see things differently concerning that game (chuckle).  :seraismile:
Title: Re: Hey...I'm Abrom
Post by: Eli on November 23, 2015, 09:43:47 AM
Glad to see your post, Abrom, looking forward to see your debates with Sun :)
Title: Re: Hey...I'm Abrom
Post by: Dragon Mage on November 23, 2015, 02:30:27 PM
Sun, you sounded like a copy-cat bot at first XD
Title: Re: Hey...I'm Abrom
Post by: Sun on November 23, 2015, 03:17:33 PM
Sun, you sounded like a copy-cat bot at first XD
Heyyy!! I haven't even mentioned the kitchens yet. Why are you already up to me??? (pout)
Title: Re: Hey...I'm Abrom
Post by: Erenussocrates on December 14, 2015, 03:50:57 PM
Phew.
Stupid as it may sound, who else to have passionate debates with about Finding Paradise? And don't expect mercy from my end if we see things differently concerning that game (chuckle).  :seraismile:

Neil can't die! I'll go on a killing rage! *brandishes guns*
Title: Re: Hey...I'm Abrom
Post by: Sun on December 14, 2015, 04:26:13 PM
Neil can't die! I'll go on a killing rage! *brandishes guns*

NO! Neil must die! Every episode of the series needs something that makes you crayyyy!!
Title: Re: Hey...I'm Abrom
Post by: Dragon Mage on December 14, 2015, 05:13:09 PM
Damn, now I thought Erenus was a bot before seeing his name. That's because I'm using my phone though and I rarely look at the name of the poster :P
Title: Re: Hey...I'm Abrom
Post by: Roxaszu on December 14, 2015, 11:05:17 PM
Damn, now I thought Erenus was a bot before seeing his name. That's because I'm using my phone though and I rarely look at the name of the poster :P

But we are all bot, Isn't it ... ?
Btw,
Cheap Kitchens  Ebay. Thirty Ex Display Kitchens To Clear. www.exdisplaykitchens1.co.uk (http://www.exdisplaykitchens1.co.uk) 595 Each with appliances. Tel 01616-694786
________________________
Cheap Kitchens  Ebay

Neil can't die! I'll go on a killing rage! *brandishes guns*


NO! Neil must die! Every episode of the series needs something that makes you crayyyy!!

Maybe they should make an episode where they draw you to the interesting part, and make the game suddenly really heavy until your computer crash / freeze / bluescreen and unable to turn it on again,
I'm pretty sure that'll make you crazzyyy !!  :deepstuff:
Title: Re: Hey...I'm Abrom
Post by: Abrom on April 01, 2016, 01:37:22 PM
It seems that everyone in the medical field agrees, including both of my therapists and my doctor, that the best way to see a psychiatrist isn't through a referral, but to go to the emergency room and tell them that you're suicidal...so, I get to do that Sunday. Yippee. Hopefully this turns out better than my first suicide attempt a few years back, where I was brought to the mental ward in Fond Du Lac, Wisconsin. It was so nice of the nurse there to tell me that I was selfish, and the doctor to tell me that I deserved to pay the $700 a day that the ward would charge me because I did it to myself, and for the other doctor to be convinced that I had voices in my head. Fun time.
Title: Re: Hey...I'm Abrom
Post by: EgotisticalRaven on April 01, 2016, 02:13:47 PM
It was so nice of the nurse there to tell me that I was selfish, and the doctor to tell me that I deserved to pay the $700 a day that the ward would charge me because I did it to myself, and for the other doctor to be convinced that I had voices in my head. Fun time.
Wow, they sound like massive jerks! They don't really sound like professionals. I don't think that any type of mental condition is someone's fault, so I hate it how they would blame your actions on you. It's sort of like being physically sick, you can't blame your body for not being able to fight the virus. But I am sure that the people you will be in the hands of are more professional, and those jerks were outliers, just exceptions.

I hope you get better. It's hard being in those dark places.  :plat:
Title: Re: Hey...I'm Abrom
Post by: Eli on April 01, 2016, 03:26:42 PM
I sure hope you will only go there and say you are suicidal, not actually attempting suicide!

By the way, I found this a few days ago:
http://eponis.tumblr.com/post/113798088670/everything-is-awful-and-im-not-okay-questions-to (http://eponis.tumblr.com/post/113798088670/everything-is-awful-and-im-not-okay-questions-to)

It sounds a little silly, but I hope it helps.
Title: Re: Hey...I'm Abrom
Post by: Abrom on April 01, 2016, 05:35:10 PM
It was so nice of the nurse there to tell me that I was selfish, and the doctor to tell me that I deserved to pay the $700 a day that the ward would charge me because I did it to myself, and for the other doctor to be convinced that I had voices in my head. Fun time.
Wow, they sound like massive jerks! They don't really sound like professionals. I don't think that any type of mental condition is someone's fault, so I hate it how they would blame your actions on you. It's sort of like being physically sick, you can't blame your body for not being able to fight the virus. But I am sure that the people you will be in the hands of are more professional, and those jerks were outliers, just exceptions.

I hope you get better. It's hard being in those dark places.  :plat:
It's not just them that have that view on suicide. The person that's arranged to drive me to my doctor and therapist visits is a pastor, and he also feels that people who attempt suicide are selfish and need to be told it. He also made it sound like such an inconvenience to him when people come to him for help with it. I'm trying real hard to get a different driver now too.

I sure hope you will only go there and say you are suicidal, not actually attempting suicide!
I already came up with a plan for a third suicide attempt, so I need to get checked out by someone better than regular therapists and doctors.
Title: Re: Hey...I'm Abrom
Post by: EgotisticalRaven on April 02, 2016, 09:07:03 AM
It was so nice of the nurse there to tell me that I was selfish, and the doctor to tell me that I deserved to pay the $700 a day that the ward would charge me because I did it to myself, and for the other doctor to be convinced that I had voices in my head. Fun time.
Wow, they sound like massive jerks! They don't really sound like professionals. I don't think that any type of mental condition is someone's fault, so I hate it how they would blame your actions on you. It's sort of like being physically sick, you can't blame your body for not being able to fight the virus. But I am sure that the people you will be in the hands of are more professional, and those jerks were outliers, just exceptions.

I hope you get better. It's hard being in those dark places.  :plat:
It's not just them that have that view on suicide. The person that's arranged to drive me to my doctor and therapist visits is a pastor, and he also feels that people who attempt suicide are selfish and need to be told it. He also made it sound like such an inconvenience to him when people come to him for help with it. I'm trying real hard to get a different driver now too.
That's a very poisonous view for a pastor to have. As a pastor isn't he supposed to make people feel better, to be a consolation? Or does religion have no redeeming features to it, and they are all jerks? Don't worry, the whole world isn't like that. Although with almost everyone around you saying that stuff, it can seem very bad.
Title: Re: Hey...I'm Abrom
Post by: Abrom on April 02, 2016, 01:40:21 PM
My brother's also a pastor, and he doesn't understand why anyone in his position would express a negative view like that. To me, saying that anyone who attempts suicide is selfish is something that you're only supposed to tell yourself to relieve yourself of any guilt. I don't know why they think it's okay to tell the suicide attemptee this. I really can't put myself in their shoes and come up with a good reason.
Title: Re: Hey...I'm Abrom
Post by: atommo on April 02, 2016, 01:51:57 PM
Well, atleast you have some legitimate comebacks like "Says the pastor whose complaining about helping people, which is his own job".

The worst thing with humans is their ignorance, and when people can be as tactless as that you know they really don't have a clue what they're looking at. Which is quite surprising when you find it in supposedly good-will positions.

Well, if they don't show the will to understand your issues you shouldn't bother listening to their opinions. And if they start being tactless then you could always hint at their ignorance in some cryptic yet amusing way. ;)
Title: Re: Hey...I'm Abrom
Post by: Eli on April 02, 2016, 05:10:07 PM
Calling someone who attempts suicide selfish and trying to make them feel guilty is not always what it looks like, sometimes people don't know how to change your mind, so they use guilt trips like this.

All that said, I hope you don't actually hurt yourself in the process of trying to reach a psychiatrist!
Title: Re: Hey...I'm Abrom
Post by: Abrom on April 10, 2016, 08:36:21 AM
I was in a psychiatric ward for a few days, and I'm convinced that the medical field has no idea how to treat mental illness. It was a lot more assisted living than treatment. After a couple days, I decided to just view it as an elementary themed vacation; you can't be trusted with anything, follow the rules, go to your classes (groups), and do your childish paperwork. It became easy living once I got in that state of mind. Most of the patients were fairly normal. And yes, there were a couple crazies. The assisted living really applies to the elderly there, but they're assisted very poorly. I mean, mental illness or not, when a bedridden patient is yelling "Hospital, help, I'm dying!" for hours, CHECK ON HIM GOD DAMMIT! I talked with the guy when he was yelling and he understood me just fine, so why can't the nurses do that? Despite how bad this seems, I'm probably going to be back in there on my birthday. I got a doctor's appointment then and I can't stand living where I am. It's filthy and decisions that affect me are made without even talking to me. At least the psycho ward is clean.
Title: Re: Hey...I'm Abrom
Post by: EgotisticalRaven on April 10, 2016, 10:47:26 AM
I was in a psychiatric ward for a few days, and I'm convinced that the medical field has no idea how to treat mental illness. It was a lot more assisted living than treatment. After a couple days, I decided to just view it as an elementary themed vacation; you can't be trusted with anything, follow the rules, go to your classes (groups), and do your childish paperwork. It became easy living once I got in that state of mind. Most of the patients were fairly normal. And yes, there were a couple crazies. The assisted living really applies to the elderly there, but they're assisted very poorly. I mean, mental illness or not, when a bedridden patient is yelling "Hospital, help, I'm dying!" for hours, CHECK ON HIM GOD DAMMIT! I talked with the guy when he was yelling and he understood me just fine, so why can't the nurses do that? Despite how bad this seems, I'm probably going to be back in there on my birthday. I got a doctor's appointment then and I can't stand living where I am. It's filthy and decisions that affect me are made without even talking to me. At least the psycho ward is clean.
Wow, that doesn't sound very effective. Good luck with surviving it, that's all I can really say. Maybe you'll slowly start to get better?
Title: Re: Hey...I'm Abrom
Post by: Eli on April 10, 2016, 12:58:43 PM
I'm officially at a loss for words.
Hopefully you will find a qualified psychiatrist.
Title: Re: Hey...I'm Abrom
Post by: EatingToastYay on April 10, 2016, 06:23:45 PM
And I thought my town was bad. Hopefully you can find some actually qualified help... I kind of question the abilities of these doctors and other folks in your area. Maybe you should move to New England one day, there are some pretty good hospitals in Boston and we're decent leaders in research and technology.
Yo, just be careful out there. People vary widely in quality of character. Don't listen to the haters.
Title: Re: Hey...I'm Abrom
Post by: Abrom on April 10, 2016, 09:24:37 PM
I'm officially at a loss for words.
Hopefully you will find a qualified psychiatrist.
I was seeing a psychiatrist while I was there. I would see him for 2 minutes a day, and that was just so he could verify what the nurse practitioner wanted to do. Even before I got into the psych ward, I was already seeing a nurse practitioner that was consulting with a psychiatrist, so the medication side of things was really the same as what I was already getting. I had given up on the idea that there exists a happy pill to make things better, but now I'm giving up on the idea that they'll ever give me a medication that'll even help at all. Now that I lost faith in medication, the placebo effect is gone, and apparently that's all they are :/
Title: Re: Hey...I'm Abrom
Post by: Eli on April 12, 2016, 04:12:35 PM
Don't lose faith in medication, of course they are not all placebo ones.