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Community (Misc.) => General => Debates/Serious Discussions => Topic started by: Ruzu on April 19, 2009, 05:13:12 AM

Title: Dating Age
Post by: Ruzu on April 19, 2009, 05:13:12 AM
Just before I begin, if you have a problem with someone's opinion (I'm sure plenty people will have problems with mine) and its not argument related and just you saying its morally or wrong or something like. "Wow what the hell is wrong with you, they're way to young for you!" Then please say why, though I rather see someone "Well, really, I can't condone someone dating someone with so big an age gap, at such young an age".

Okay, so me and a friend were talking and he said, that another friend of mine was morally wrong for dating someone three years younger than him. I told him, my friend was seventeen and his girlfriend was fourteen so it wasn't anything to make a big scene about. Though my friend had different a different opinion on that, as (you see my rude example up there, that was basically it.) you can see.

So my question is, do you think if someone dated someone three years younger than them but had no attention of having sex, and if one person was 18+ and dated someone 15+ and was just dating that person because they would wait another 3 years or longer just for them? I feel that if someone dates someone 3 years younger than them (as long as they are 13+) it's okay. I have no problem with an 18 year old dating an 15 year really. I say as long as they don't plan to have sex until they are both 18+ then its not a problem. But most people feel it's a problem, so I'm curious to what your opinion is.
Title: Re: Dating Age
Post by: abigailian on April 19, 2009, 10:26:06 AM
I think it really depends on the couple. I don't think it's wrong to date someone so much younger than you (and later on, three years is not a big deal at all), but I would say in general that a difference of more than two years does make me uneasy, and I think that friends and family should try and keep a close eye on the relationship. I think it can also make difference, where the age difference is. If someone in high school is dating someone in middle school, or someone in college is dating someone in high school (and it wasn't a relationship that had already been established) that that isn't a good idea either.

Sex does complicate things here, a bit. I mean, two or three years is a long time to wait for the girl to reach the age of consent. My hunch is very few couples would be able to make it, especially in this culture, unless they were REALLY careful.
Title: Re: Dating Age
Post by: Forgotten_Bard on April 19, 2009, 03:20:00 PM
I can say from experience... >.<  I'm 18 and I'm dating a girl whoes 15.  That dating is fine as long as you know what you are doing and you don't let things go to far.  I am really concious about the facto our ages are so different and if something happens I am held reponsible.  While she is more care free and out there to have fun.  It is hard at times I agree but you have to be alert to what is going on to make sure things are in control.  Since it isn't like this is "the one for me" and if it can't work out, just make a friend as you go.

It's only when people go and do MORE than just date that issues emerge about relationships and what is moral and correct.
Title: Re: Dating Age
Post by: KRoP on April 19, 2009, 09:13:52 PM
  Unless you're a pedophile age really shouldn't be an issue.
Title: Re: Dating Age
Post by: Forgotten_Bard on April 19, 2009, 10:37:56 PM
  Unless you're a pedophile age really shouldn't be an issue.

strait to the point arn't you?

Well.  What about this?

What if an 18 year old guy, for whatever reason, is dating a 13 year old girl?
Title: Re: Dating Age
Post by: Ruzu on April 19, 2009, 11:02:30 PM
That's kind of a big age difference in my own opinion. Not something I would condone(or do for that matter, until we were both 18+)
Title: Re: Dating Age
Post by: abigailian on April 19, 2009, 11:03:10 PM
Age can be an issue. Age can make it far easier to manipulate and abuse those who are younger than you, when you are an adolescent. In adulthood, younger people (usually women) can take advantage of their youth and attractiveness, while older (usually men) often take advantage of having more money because they've had a career longer. If those things are the basis of a relationship, that's not good. If the intentions are good (you have a real interest in the whole person, not just the shallow aspects) then age is not an issue. (I still have an issue with relationships where the age gap is much bigger than a decade or so, even if they're both adults. But I'm sure some of them have worked out just fine.)
Title: Re: Dating Age
Post by: Forgotten_Bard on April 19, 2009, 11:15:18 PM
(I mean this as a joke)

Everything seemed much simpler back when people were getting married in their late teens.
Title: Re: Dating Age
Post by: Candide on June 10, 2009, 08:12:18 AM
Three years is a pretty small age gap when compared to my parents' (about 20 I think). Well I guess as long as the two people are mature and have a responsible and non-sexual relationship, then I think it's okay.
Title: Re: Dating Age
Post by: Vasha on August 11, 2009, 09:57:05 AM
I think that three years isn't that bad. It seems like more of a difference earlier on, but in later years it doesn't sound nearly as long. I'd say it's okay though.
Title: Re: Dating Age
Post by: Secretflayer on August 12, 2009, 08:52:13 AM
... Here's something much worse. I heard 4th graders dating. >_>
Title: Re: Dating Age
Post by: Raxus on August 16, 2009, 12:28:13 AM
I think that dating is serious and should be taken seriously, which younger people can't necessarily comprehend at such an age as 15, where the mind is still at it's developing age. Also, when a relationship occurs in such a young age, it's likely that the 18 year old will try to seduce the 15 year old since they are more sexual primed (This is guessing that you assume that the older person is male, but it works both ways.).

The real question that I have is why are women looked down upon if they're older that the man, and not vice versa?  ???

Title: Re: Dating Age
Post by: Amaranth on August 16, 2009, 02:00:13 PM
There's a horrible double-standard that's existed since, like, the beginning of time. (It's so bad it made me use "like", which I HATE!)

Here are some parts of that double-standard.

1. If men are promiscuous, it's often treated as a badge of honor (hence the compliments "ladies' man", "lady-killer", etc.). But if women see many men, they're called whores and subjected to terrible stigma . . . and even---depending on the society in question---death.

2. Many men expect to gain sexual satisfaction from their wives but think nothing of giving back as much as they take.

3. In the case of rape, some women are bullied into believing that "they were asking for it" if they like wearing clothes that show off their figures. (This is an opinion held by men and women alike. My point is that women are expected to dress a certain way . . . and then if they're hurt, it's their fault for dressing that way.)

To answer your question, Raxus, I think this is related to male dominance.
Title: Re: Dating Age
Post by: Miss Nile on August 16, 2009, 02:15:28 PM
I think it depends on the persons involved, both the male and female. If they are capable of having a responsible relationship, I think it's ok as long as it's built on real 'love'. However, nowadays I think real love is really rare. Most look for sexual pleasure only, especially men. I don't think age difference is such a big deal as long as it's not huge and the younger person is not that young i.e 13 or 14 years old.

Personally though, I am strongly against sex before marriage. Why is that? Simply, because of the bad results that may happen because of it such as transferring diseases and unwanted pregnancy. Plus, most couples are not really that responsible to face those bad results. >_>

Title: Re: Dating Age
Post by: Berkeley on August 16, 2009, 03:10:48 PM
@ Amaranth: Sad but true.

@ Love: I agree to some extent. I'm not strongly against sex before marriage, but I like your point of view more than "Oh no, I'm such a loser because haven't had sex at 13. Everyone in my class has done it except for me." I think it's terrible to have such an attitude. What is so bad on having sex later? Our sociaty is too over sexualized these days. It's horrible. In my opinion sex is overrated, but that's just me. *sigh*
Title: Re: Dating Age
Post by: Miss Nile on August 16, 2009, 03:34:24 PM
@Ghost: I must agree here. It's like that sex has become everything people care for. They do it not for love or having kids, but because they think it's "cool" and "fun" while that is not what sex is really for at all.

(Sorry if I went a little off-topic. This was about dating age, not sex. :reivsmile:)
Title: Re: Dating Age
Post by: Berkeley on August 16, 2009, 03:41:22 PM
@ Love: Before I go more more off-topic I'll just say: Right on!
Title: Re: Dating Age
Post by: Ronnie on August 17, 2009, 08:36:04 AM
In my opinion, age differences can be or cannot be a problem - it is totally elsehow in either case, depends on the two people and nobody else. If the two are mature enough to make a relationship, and it works - let's just leave out those who're only going out with each other for having sex -, then they should not pay attention to whoever says the age gap is too big.

Actually I had a boyfriend by the age of 13 who was 7 years older than me. Right, it didn't work, but it wasn't because the age difference but because he was an ignorant prat who never cared about my opinion... I would have dumped him if I was the same age as him too. (I often thought about it, if he thought I was stupid, why was he going out with me in the first place? We never did anything but some kisses - and even that wasn't too enjoyable xDD)

Anyway, I think it's better if the man is older - in case we're talking about couples younger than 25 -, because women mature faster. It isn't offence, it's a fact. I sometimes do have problems with the childishness with my own boyfriend, who is only 7 months younger than I, and we've been going out for more than 2 years now...

And something else: in my country most men don't seek only sexual relationships. Here the most problem is that nobody can really express their emotions, and often misunderstand each other - way too complex, I think. ^^"
Title: Re: Dating Age
Post by: Vasha on August 18, 2009, 09:49:06 PM
I agree with a lot of what you said, ronnie.

If the couple is mature enough, and actually love each other, not just doing it cuz it's 'what the cool people are doing.' Personally, i find it kind of stupid when people just date, break-up, date, break-up, and repeat. If you're going to date someone, try and make sure that it's for the right reasons.

Sorry, that was a bit off-topic. I think we're kind of turning this into a general dating discussion, not just dating with age-gaps.
Title: Re: Dating Age
Post by: Stardale on August 19, 2009, 08:16:38 AM
Eh, as long as it is not a big problem to your studies/work and anything which is very very significant, then there shouldn't be any problem at all.

Of course, that goes with respect.